4 week anniversary?

Grats to meeeeeeee! For not touching a cigarette for over 4 weeks today. Wheeeeee!

twenty-six-ish

26 days, 23 hours, 31 minutes and 18 seconds smoke free. 405 cigarettes not smoked. $102.38 and 3 days, 2 hours of my life saved. My quit date: 6/2/2008

26 days later.

Hellooo. It's been 26 days since I last smoked a cigarette. Hurrah! I've been doing fairly well, I think. I miss it sometimes, but for the most part I don't think about it.

Ummm.. my lowest low since quitting? About 2 hours ago when I ate the fudge chocolate cake piece that I bought for my boyfriend. Eeep.

But ya! 26 days! Exciting times. I wish I could log on to quitnet at home to grab my "stats". But for some reason I can only read that website at work. Ah well.

three weeks!

*dance*

*wave*

Still quit.

On "Step Two" of the patch (14mg from 21) and taking them off at night.

It's fabulous to not be smoking, but daunting to know I'm still addicted and haven't dealt with the actually detox of nicotine.

I still romantize smoking a lot. "How nice it would be to have a cigarette if X.." I feel lucky to have found the will power so far.

Anyway, it's 2:15, hot and I'm sleepy.

goodnight!

day 16

It's amazing to me how easily smoking thoughts can run through my head. Like, 'Oh, it would feel so good right now, to just have one, it would make everything better.' When I know, that it would actually taste pretty horrible, and I would feel worse than I did before. Having "junkie thinking" is frightening. I'm happy I have the will power now to not succumb to momentary craves. But, the fear that one minute, I'll be less strong and let it be okay.

I've even thought, when would having a cigarette be okay? If something tragic happened would I give up my quit? If I was celebrating something with smoking buddies, I could have the one with a glass of wine? I know the answer, but I can't help the questions being there.

Anyway, I stopped wearing the patch at night, as my dreams have become downright gory. The last one I had before taking it off at night was me, literally, bashing someone's skull in to the point there were brains and eyeballs popping out. I'm not a violent person, at all, so I figured it was time to get through the night without it. It's gone fine, the first morning I was a little cranky and got some tears in my eyes. But even today, I forgot I wasn't wearing a patch until I was almost out the door for work. I know the withdrawal would get worse after a few days. But it's nice to know I can make it about 16 hours. Baby steps.. one day at a time, etc.

But hurrah for 16 days!

16 days, 20 hours, 19 minutes and 56 seconds smoke free. 253 cigarettes not smoked. $63.00 and 1 day, 22 hours of your life saved. Your quit date: 6/2/2008

2 weeks!

On day 14 of "my quit". Just wanted to *wave* and say I'm still doing well.

It's really nice when I realize I haven't thought about smoking for a couple hours or so. My 'craves' are pretty infrequent.

Tomorrow (if I get to the store tonight), i go down a dose in patch. Which is scary, but exciting. I'll be really happy when I have no more nicotine dependence.

So hurrah! For two weeks..

Ever Wonder What Happens to Your
Body the Moment You Stop Smoking?

8 HOURS

• Carbon monoxide level in blood drops to normal.
• Oxygen level in blood increases to normal.

24 HOURS

• Chance of heart attack decreases.

48 HOURS

• Nerve endings start regrowing.
• Ability to smell and taste is enhanced.

2 WEEKS TO 3 MONTHS

• Circulation improves.
• Walking becomes easier.
• Lung function increases up to 30%.

also, my "quitnet.com" stats..

13 days, 22 hours, 58 minutes and 2 seconds smoke free. 209 cigarettes not smoked. $51.19 and 1 day, 14 hours of your life saved. Your quit date: 6/2/2008

:)

onto day 11

wheee.. just wanted to post to say i'm still nicotine-free, and haven't killed anyone yet. though, i may have given the dirtiest look to a couple of teenage safeway employees tonight i've ever given to anyone.

a few times today i thought about how nice having a newport would be. and honestly, it would probably feel fantastic for the time being. it is like a mourning process. i miss it, i feel like i lost something and i wish i could give see it once more for a proper goodbye. silly, right?

goodnight!

day eight (almost nine!)

So I've been quit for over a week now squeeeee. 80 cigarettes, 4 packs not smoked, and about $20 bucks saved.

Things seem to be getting better every cigarette I don't have. I have about a handful of craves a day. Mostly when people are at the house (visitors I mean, not just people in general.. that would suck), I'm a little socially anxious and the way I coped was sitting outside with a drink and a smoke. I still miss that. I probably will for awhile. In the car, when I wake up and after I eat haven't been as bad as I first guessed. I just don't do it now? Though, this past weekend while I was driving out of town and got lost a few times I freaked out more and wished I had a cigarette in my hand.

I'm in more control of my emotions than last week (especially Tuesday-Thursday.. days 2-4). I haven't cried since then. Which is really nice. I couldn't stand myself being weepy. I'm a little afraid when I down my patch dose that may come back, but it's not really worth thinking about right now. I'm starting to get less annoyed about things to. But it's definitely a day by day thing.

I like how my mouth tastes and how I smell, that part is the bomb. I'm looking forward to seeing my checking account at the end of the month, now that I won't be spending ~$40/week on cigarettes.

One thing people don't really talk about is the crazy ass dreams you get when you wear the patch through your sleep. They are insanely vivid and can range from really great, to your worst nightmares. So weird. I also had my first smoking dream last night. I don't remember what exactly happened, but I remember that I woke up thinking I had had a cigarette. Also very weird.

Walking is great for my piece of mind too. I've enjoyed how much it's been helping me stay sane and cope. I look forward to getting into shape this summer. Well, at least being more active.

I have felt a bit depressed over the past week, which I think is party smoke related, but also due to the fact I'm out of school, working part-time in a house where everyone else works 9-5 Mon-Fri. I don't have a huge desire to get out of bed in the morning. I'm pretty lethargic all day (even after some coffee and a nice walk). I also just feel a bit sad in general. I need to either work more, or find a good hobby for the summer.. I have more free time now that I'm not outside smoking, etc ;)

Again, to everyone who's been giving me support.. thank you so much. It means a hell of a lot. Also, to those who are quitting along with me.. I'm really proud of you. I know it isn't easy, but it's the best thing you can be doing for your body.

day five

120 hours without smoking.. five days.. around 50 cigarettes (2 1/2 packs) I haven't put through my body.

Today has been slightly better than yesterday. I'm a bit more in control of my emotions than I have been the previous three days. I'm still more emotional and irritable than I like, and my outbursts have been fewer. I think I'm in the thick of the quit right now, so as long as I can make it without any casualties the next week or so, everything just might be okay.. ;)

Things that have helped:

• Walking.. being outside in general.
• Music.. especially in the car, turning it up loud and singing has helped so incredibly much.
• Tea and toast.. in the mornings. I'm now eating breakfast instead of smoking with coffee!
• Crying. As much as I've hated it, I'm much happier crying than running to a cigarette.

Speaking of, I'm curious to how much a crutch cigarettes have been to me over the past four years. I wonder if I used it so much that now actually dealing with things is a little overwhelming. I also know that my body is out of whack, and I definitely won't be losing it every time I think someone gives me the stink eye forever.

As much as I hate feeling like this, I really haven't "craved" a cigarette. There have been many occassions where it felt natural to go have one, but after a split second I always remember "I don't do that any more" and find something else to do. Maybe twice have I considered smoking.. and that's lasted about 2-3 minutes each.

I noticed while I ate dinner I could taste everything and it was fantastic.

Thanks to everyone who's been reading this all week and have been giving me support. Every single "you can do it!" and "I'm proud of you." helps more than you know.

Off to the beach this weekend! My first vacation smoke freeeeeeeee...

day four

No smoking for me. I don't want to, I quit for a reason.

Though, I feel trapped in my own personal hell. I'm stressed, beyond irritable and emotional as hell. All I want (/can?) do is eat, sleep and cry. I feel terrible.

From what I've read days 3-10 suck a lot, so I guess I should just be prepared to be a lunatic for the next week +. I wish I could hibernate so I wouldn't have to put anyone else through this.

I need to stay busy, but it feels like the last thing I can do. Arghhhhhh..

day 3

still quit!

i feel like crap, though.

more blogging to come..

tonight

i've been quit for a day + change. my first day went well, i stayed busy. cleaned my car.. bought some new yarn.. spent time with ethan.

i just started feeling some withdrawal symptoms (is that possible with nicotine replacement?). i just want to curl up and go to sleeeeeeeeep.

more tomorrow!

this morning!

Day One: I haven't been up long enough to really tell how day has gone. But, I am a "wake up and have a cigarette before anything else" smoker. Even before my alarm went off I was thinking, "get up, have a smoke, take a shower..". For the last hour and a half I've been up I keep feeling like I'm "missing" something. Having tea and toast helped though. Here's to the rest of the day!

tomorrow..

..is the day I quit smoking. This will be the third time in four years of smoking. I'm more prepared and motivated than I was the previous two times. The first time I didn't think it through, I just quit and was fell off the wagon within days. The second time, I quit for around a month.. then got foolish and started again during a vacation. The second time I was a bit more prepared, but was quitting for every but myself. My dad was harping me about it, my mom didn't really like it and my best friend had just started quitting.

This time is different because the only person bugging me to quit is myself.. beyond the "hey, i'd like to live longer!" part of it, I have many short-term reasons for wanting to quit:

I feel like smoking controls a huge part of my life. I'm always thinking about when I can smoke next, where I can smoke (if I'm not at home), if I have enough cigarettes for tonight, tomorrow, etc. I excuse myself from social situations to go smoke by myself.

I use it as a crutch. When anything is remotely difficult, I have a cigarette.

I hate how it smells. On me, in my car, on my clothes, my purse.

I hate how it tastes. After I smoke the lingering taste in my mouth is disgusting. I hate that my boyfriend has to kiss me when my mouth literally tastes like an ashtray. He's never commented or complained, but he should. Not to mention I can't remember the last time my teeth were white.

I'm tired of feeling out of shape, and out of breath. I use the excuse of being out breath not to exercise as much as I should. Walking up stairs leaves me short of breath sometimes.

It drains my energy. I'm putting so many toxins in my body that I'm lethargic all the time. Some has to do with me not being active enough, but even that is smoking related.

My stomach hurts. Within the past year more and more often I've been suffering from acid reflux and incredibly painful stomach aches. I've also been smoking more than 10 cigarettes a day in the past year. Even if it's not completely smoking related, I know cigarettes can't be helping.

I used to be disgusted by smoking.. I still am actually. Why did I even start?

So here's my shopping list for after work tonight:

• Nicotine replacement patches.
• Gum, lots of gum.
• Blowpops.
• Tasty new tea.
• Flavored toothpicks.
  

I'll have my last cigarette (ever?..!!) tonight before bed, put a patch on and wake up as a non-smoker. I'm out of school now, so tomorrow I'm devoting my day to being a successful quitter.

What I'll be doing tomorrow..

1. Picking up Ethan from the airport (yay!! missed him so much this weekend), have lunch and take him to work.
2. Cleaning my car. Getting rid butts in the ashtray, vacuuming and deodorizing the inside. Cleaning the sap(wtf) off the outside.
3. Going to Nine Rubies to get myself some pretty new (smoke-free!) yarn to start christmas presents for family and friends. I think crocheting will be great for keeping my hands busy. Maybe buy some knitting needles and start my quest to become a knitter?
4. Buying a new purse. Nothing elaborate, probably a Target special. My purse I have now reminds me of smoking. I could clean it out, wash it, but I'll always think of it as having Newport's inside.
5. Lauuuuundry. Washing everything that even remotely smells like smoke.

What I'm afraid is becoming unbearably irritable, like PMSx5. I should write something like "Ethan, I love you even if I'm being a royal pain in the ass right now" and put it next to his computer or on the mirror in the bathroom.

Things I'm doing to avoid relapse..

• Keeping my hand's busy with fiber arts, the computer, maybe silly putty or something? (add that to my list of things to buy tonight.
• Keeping my mouth busy with teas, water, blowpops, gum, flavored toothpicks, brushing my teeth and having a splash of mouthwash when the crave for some menthol hits.
• Keeping my head in check, especially during intense craves. Remember WHY I'm doing this. How bad I want to not to smoke, compared to how bad I want a cigarette that second. Remembering that tomorrow will be easier than yesterday. Remembering that right now I'm anxious, cloudy and irritable, but I smell great and am saving almost $1000/year.
• Trying to stay active by either taking 30 minute walks or playing tennis. I'll probably gain some weight, but I can still be more healthy.
• Remembering, I'll probably gain weight and that's okay for now. I can stay cognizant of what I eat, but conquer losing unwanted pounds after I conquer smoking.
• Leaning on people (at least a little). I might need a little hand holding.

This might all sound like I'm over thinking, or being neurotic, but honestly quitting nicotine is on par with quitting heroin. So when you think of it that way, the more the better. I also know myself, what my will power is like, and how I feel without a cigarette for even 24 hours.

Sooo.. here we go! Any tips, advice, etc are much appreciated.