day 16

It's amazing to me how easily smoking thoughts can run through my head. Like, 'Oh, it would feel so good right now, to just have one, it would make everything better.' When I know, that it would actually taste pretty horrible, and I would feel worse than I did before. Having "junkie thinking" is frightening. I'm happy I have the will power now to not succumb to momentary craves. But, the fear that one minute, I'll be less strong and let it be okay.

I've even thought, when would having a cigarette be okay? If something tragic happened would I give up my quit? If I was celebrating something with smoking buddies, I could have the one with a glass of wine? I know the answer, but I can't help the questions being there.

Anyway, I stopped wearing the patch at night, as my dreams have become downright gory. The last one I had before taking it off at night was me, literally, bashing someone's skull in to the point there were brains and eyeballs popping out. I'm not a violent person, at all, so I figured it was time to get through the night without it. It's gone fine, the first morning I was a little cranky and got some tears in my eyes. But even today, I forgot I wasn't wearing a patch until I was almost out the door for work. I know the withdrawal would get worse after a few days. But it's nice to know I can make it about 16 hours. Baby steps.. one day at a time, etc.

But hurrah for 16 days!

16 days, 20 hours, 19 minutes and 56 seconds smoke free. 253 cigarettes not smoked. $63.00 and 1 day, 22 hours of your life saved. Your quit date: 6/2/2008