tomorrow..

..is the day I quit smoking. This will be the third time in four years of smoking. I'm more prepared and motivated than I was the previous two times. The first time I didn't think it through, I just quit and was fell off the wagon within days. The second time, I quit for around a month.. then got foolish and started again during a vacation. The second time I was a bit more prepared, but was quitting for every but myself. My dad was harping me about it, my mom didn't really like it and my best friend had just started quitting.

This time is different because the only person bugging me to quit is myself.. beyond the "hey, i'd like to live longer!" part of it, I have many short-term reasons for wanting to quit:

I feel like smoking controls a huge part of my life. I'm always thinking about when I can smoke next, where I can smoke (if I'm not at home), if I have enough cigarettes for tonight, tomorrow, etc. I excuse myself from social situations to go smoke by myself.

I use it as a crutch. When anything is remotely difficult, I have a cigarette.

I hate how it smells. On me, in my car, on my clothes, my purse.

I hate how it tastes. After I smoke the lingering taste in my mouth is disgusting. I hate that my boyfriend has to kiss me when my mouth literally tastes like an ashtray. He's never commented or complained, but he should. Not to mention I can't remember the last time my teeth were white.

I'm tired of feeling out of shape, and out of breath. I use the excuse of being out breath not to exercise as much as I should. Walking up stairs leaves me short of breath sometimes.

It drains my energy. I'm putting so many toxins in my body that I'm lethargic all the time. Some has to do with me not being active enough, but even that is smoking related.

My stomach hurts. Within the past year more and more often I've been suffering from acid reflux and incredibly painful stomach aches. I've also been smoking more than 10 cigarettes a day in the past year. Even if it's not completely smoking related, I know cigarettes can't be helping.

I used to be disgusted by smoking.. I still am actually. Why did I even start?

So here's my shopping list for after work tonight:

• Nicotine replacement patches.
• Gum, lots of gum.
• Blowpops.
• Tasty new tea.
• Flavored toothpicks.
  

I'll have my last cigarette (ever?..!!) tonight before bed, put a patch on and wake up as a non-smoker. I'm out of school now, so tomorrow I'm devoting my day to being a successful quitter.

What I'll be doing tomorrow..

1. Picking up Ethan from the airport (yay!! missed him so much this weekend), have lunch and take him to work.
2. Cleaning my car. Getting rid butts in the ashtray, vacuuming and deodorizing the inside. Cleaning the sap(wtf) off the outside.
3. Going to Nine Rubies to get myself some pretty new (smoke-free!) yarn to start christmas presents for family and friends. I think crocheting will be great for keeping my hands busy. Maybe buy some knitting needles and start my quest to become a knitter?
4. Buying a new purse. Nothing elaborate, probably a Target special. My purse I have now reminds me of smoking. I could clean it out, wash it, but I'll always think of it as having Newport's inside.
5. Lauuuuundry. Washing everything that even remotely smells like smoke.

What I'm afraid is becoming unbearably irritable, like PMSx5. I should write something like "Ethan, I love you even if I'm being a royal pain in the ass right now" and put it next to his computer or on the mirror in the bathroom.

Things I'm doing to avoid relapse..

• Keeping my hand's busy with fiber arts, the computer, maybe silly putty or something? (add that to my list of things to buy tonight.
• Keeping my mouth busy with teas, water, blowpops, gum, flavored toothpicks, brushing my teeth and having a splash of mouthwash when the crave for some menthol hits.
• Keeping my head in check, especially during intense craves. Remember WHY I'm doing this. How bad I want to not to smoke, compared to how bad I want a cigarette that second. Remembering that tomorrow will be easier than yesterday. Remembering that right now I'm anxious, cloudy and irritable, but I smell great and am saving almost $1000/year.
• Trying to stay active by either taking 30 minute walks or playing tennis. I'll probably gain some weight, but I can still be more healthy.
• Remembering, I'll probably gain weight and that's okay for now. I can stay cognizant of what I eat, but conquer losing unwanted pounds after I conquer smoking.
• Leaning on people (at least a little). I might need a little hand holding.

This might all sound like I'm over thinking, or being neurotic, but honestly quitting nicotine is on par with quitting heroin. So when you think of it that way, the more the better. I also know myself, what my will power is like, and how I feel without a cigarette for even 24 hours.

Sooo.. here we go! Any tips, advice, etc are much appreciated.